Power Perfected in Weakness

I don't know if you are a type A person like me, but I find that relying on the Lord to sustain me with the pain (through doesn't make sense to say since it doesn't go away) has to be a choice.  It's easy to just rush from thing to thing (or slog through, some days) without giving a thought to where my strength has to come from.  That's even more apparent as my advocacy business picks up this time of year and I'm sitting at the computer for hours...which for me is the absolute worse pain activity.  Doesn't matter whether I use my IFC, EMS, ice, heat, or take a break every 15 minutes and walk around, it just isn't an activity my back and hip like!  I'm trying to do a better job at being deliberate about moving in His strength...which sadly to say is easier when you don't have any!  I guess that's what He means by "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." (2Cor. 12:9)  

What I Need Now

It's been a rough since to find time to post since my husband had to take time off for work injuries right around the one year "anniversary" (I hate that term!) mark of my daughter's death.  While it seems like it is a ridiculous time to commit to more time in my studio, or to post on my blog, it is what I plan to do.  Creating art and managing my pain go hand in hand.  Again, doesn't seem to make a lot of sense since my art usually involves such intense work that it takes a big physical toll on me. 

But what makes sense is not what I need right now.  What refreshes me on the inside is what I need.  In order to make sense of all I've experienced and am continuing to experience in pain and grief I need to make a commitment to studio time, exhibition, and this project.  Whether anyone else is able to join me or not, it's what the next step for me needs to be.  It's funny that no matter how much I try to create art that isn't related to Joanna it always seems to end up being what happens. 

I started art school and Joanna got even sicker and as a way to process those issues my art changes from translating scripture three-dimensionally to art about chronic illness.  This piece started out as a way to find a purpose in my own physical pain and make something positive out of it, then Joanna died and a new layer of pain was added.  I guess for now, I've just got to except that she is wrapped up in all of this and see where it takes me.